One Student’s Story on YogaMotion’s Life Enrichment
Igniting Transformation – Manifesting your heart’s desire.
What a whirlwind this module has been for me. In our module three meeting, we were encouraged to go inward and to take time for ourselves… support our manomayakosha – our emotional layer. In addition to our asana and anatomy study, we began assessing our personal values. What do we want to prioritize? In the meeting itself, we began the process of finding avenues in which we could have the activities of our lives align around these values. Asking ourselves- from where does the will and determination and fire come from to live our true desires? Certainly, that regular personal practice is vital…as it provides the anchor/ the gateway to true self… and the combusting of the “sludge” that often makes us feel stuck. The challenges given to us were, in general, perfect for the time of the year- celebrating the holidays, and letting the new year be a time for that transformation.
For me personally though, I was forcibly “whittled” down to my core as a result of a tragic event. Just days before this module meeting, we learned of the sudden death of our 20 year-old nephew. Of course, I can’t write about my experience of this training without weaving this event in, as it informed so much of my thoughts, feelings, and actions for this time. The process of grieving brings up many fiery emotions… anger, fear, and even rage. When you experience enough of these emotions in a short time, you come to feel RAW. This state of “rawness” can make you feel like you have no anchor. When you are raw, you have no container for your feelings and are just spilling out all over the place. In hindsight, I see also the defensive rise of the ego… when you are spilled out all over the place, with no ability to contain your emotions, the ego can rise and create an internal battle and even lead you into clashes with loved ones, who are also whittled down. It is an emotional time. For several weeks after this module, rawness developed into my anchor, it kept me in the moment. It is what began to be my fire to fuel will and determination to transform.
In this initial time, my daily personal practice fell away, but I had to keep up with some of my teaching commitments. I would almost drag my weary body to teach class, wondering from where the energy would come to lead folks. But then, minutes into class, breathing, moving and breathing, guiding, I began to feel filled up. While teaching is not a substitute for personal practice, in this interlude, it gave me a sense of flow, it gave me that grounding, it gave me a much-needed container. The practice of yoga, as I am learning and re-learning, can provide a safe way to feel raw, and thus, ignite the fire of transformation.
I have had to really engage the practice of ahisma, of being kind to oneself especially as I moved through this time. The practice of ahisma creates a fluidity, and an ability to adapt to changing situations. While this past month was nothing like I might have imagined it to be, or even desired it to be, I am moving forward. Once again, I am finding the life enrichment portion of this training to be more crucial to me than I might have thought. I continue to look forward to building, being challenged and integrating yoga in to a full life.
Karen Stenseth, N.D., CYT